by Ray Jason
Something
in the Sea awoke me. I wondered if the sound had only been from a
dream, so I listened intently in the darkness. There it was again.
It was near, but unrecognizable. I grabbed my flashlight and pepper
spray and quietly slipped on deck to investigate. Nothing appeared
unusual, but then I heard the sound again. It was up near the bow.
The
moon was half full, so I didn’t use the flashlight as I crept
forward, because I know every contour of my boat like a sculptor
knows clay. As I got close to the bow, I was startled by a sudden
squawk and then the flapping of wings as a black-crowned night heron
flew swiftly away. It had been fishing from my anchor chain.
I
chuckled and apologized to the fleeing bird, and then I went below to
make some tea. There were still a couple of hours before dawn, but
the unexpected encounter had jolted me awake. It seemed like an
excellent time to seek some clarity on a topic that had been
fermenting within me for a while.
Recently,
a young reader had written to me in muted desperation. He confessed
that his life seemed like an indecipherable jumble of thoughts,
emotions and insecurities. He said that he admired the way that I
could discuss complex topics in such a clear and organized fashion.
He was envious of how confident and free from doubt my life seemed to
be.
And
so, in this peaceful, isolated cove I settled in with a cup of tea,
my clipboard and its tiny light, to reassure that unknown reader that
I too am often assaulted by a “jumble of thoughts, emotions and
insecurities.”
*******
My
recent uncertainties had revolved around a seriously important
question – “Why bother?” When I first began my blog
several years ago, I was so delighted by the miraculous fact that I
could share my perspectives on Life with unknown readers scattered
around the planet. My desire to do this can be traced back to a
college classroom and five simple words.
My
favorite professor, a man named Matthew Mc Sorley, was trying to
explain what distinguishes all truly enduring art. His belief was
that whether it was Shakespeare or Rembrandt or Mozart, they were all
seeking through their literature or painting or music to help unravel
“the riddle of human existence.”
Such
a noble quest inspired me then, and has shaped me down all of the
decades of my life. Trying to make the world a slightly better place
during one’s fleeting years here, has been essential to my
ocean-striding “path less taken.” Tilt your head slightly, and
you will see on the right side of this page the ultimate distillation
of my personal philosophy into six words:
Help
many – harm none – be amazed!
Suddenly I had a platform where I could share my (attempts at) insights with whomever might find them of value. Plus, there were no gatekeepers to censor me – no magazine editors or book publishers trembling in the presence of “dissident views.” This was a glorious blessing, and I embraced it along with the vital responsibility to be truthful and compassionate. For years and years and years and years, I posted a new essay every two weeks.
But
then, in the Summer of 2017, when I crewed on that successful
sailboat voyage through the fabled and ferocious Northwest Passage,
something changed. Perhaps it was the 86 days of dangerous
isolation. Or maybe it was the vast, frozen emptiness. Or could it
have been all of that time for reflection with almost no outside
intrusions from the so-called Real World? Or possibly it was the
stress of being jammed into such a confined space for so long with
four other people, when I have spent most of my life blissfully
alone. Regardless, it was a seismic shock to my sense of purpose.
I
began to wonder whether I was pursuing a worthy quest - or whether I
was just a foolish cyber Don Quixote flailing away with a laptop
lance? Such doubt becomes particularly burdensome when in the Autumn
of one’s years.
Perhaps
it makes more sense to just wander the Wide Waters in my sweet little
boat, savoring the beauty and majesty of our magnificent planet.
Maybe it was time to set a new course - away from the maelstrom of
politics and economics and war and injustice.
*******
After
all, had the world improved in the half decade of my blog? Hardly.
A new planetary arms race is underway, the surveillance grid has
expanded with an apparent fierce inevitability, and Faustian fools
are still trying to convince us that merging Man and Machine is a
good thing. The gap between the rich and … everybody else …. has
dramatically widened, free speech is eroding swiftly, and tensions
between religious, racial and ethnic groups are barely below the
boiling point.
I
could list a dozen other trends that indicate how profoundly social
conditions are worsening. And what is so discouraging about this
accelerating decline is the fact that we have now had a full decade
of “alternative media.” Independent researchers and thinkers
have been doing their utmost with just their laptops and convictions
to counteract the downward vector of the human condition.
So
if an army of caring and determined cyber-warriors are not slowing
the descent, how puny must my own efforts be? Try as I may to
convince myself that I am a philosophical finger in the dam, it is
possible that I am but a needle in the dam – and the deluge
continues to rush past.
Coupled
with my despair over the direction of the human project, is my deeper
understanding of those who are shaping that future. Most of them are
not just inept or arrogant or deceitful, they are vile –
although you could re-arrange the letters in that word and perhaps
arrive at a more accurate assessment.
In
my Political Science courses in college, we were deceived into
believing that politicians care about the interests of the regular
folks that they supposedly represent. That is a fraud and a
delusion. They are driven by self-interest and a psychotic lust for
Power.
And
Big Media, which is supposed to be a watchdog against the ruling
class, has degraded itself into a herd of sycophants who kiss the
feet of the overlords. Their only decision seems to be which toe to
lick first.
This
was never revealed to me, or even hinted at, during college, even
though I have a bachelor’s degree in Political Science. It reminds
me of the great Mark Twain quotation:
“If
you don’t read the newspaper in the morning you are uninformed.
But if you do read it, you are misinformed.”
But the arrival of the World Wide Web suddenly made it possible to do deep research and finally uncloak what is really going on behind the scenes. And what is revealed is a putrid stew of corruption, wars started by lies, assassination and even more horrific deeds than these.
Why
would I voluntarily peer into that loathsome cauldron stirred by the
dregs of humanity? Why would I not just sail away and savor the
unbearable beauty of our garden planet, spinning amongst a million
dead planets?
And
so, my young unknown reader out there who grapples with self-doubt,
rest assured that you are not alone in your insecurity. Almost
everyone who strives to decode the riddle of human existence
struggles with similar demons. Good luck to you as you sort this out
and find your own Path.
As
I completed this essay while sitting on deck with my back against the
mast, I noticed that dawn was beginning to pastel the East. I went
below and brought my little sound system topside to serenade myself
with my favorite sunrise music. It is the Adagio from Khachaturian’s
brilliant score for the Spartacus ballet. Its combination of noble
sadness and soaring majesty seems like the perfect accompaniment to a
new dawn aglow with fresh hope.
Suddenly,
after the first few bars, the little black-crowned night heron flew
back to my boat and again perched itself on my anchor chain. It
seemed to be listening as contentedly as I was. Then I
lightheartedly scolded myself, “Ray, you are such a romantic
dreamer. The little night bird is not listening to the music along
with you. It is just looking for a fish.”
For
nine more minutes the music built exquisitely towards its heroic
conclusion. Bird and Man sat together bathed in the light from the
amber horizon. And the ancient fool within me, wondered whether this
was as close as we mortals ever come to experiencing the Eternal Now.
Here is a link so that you can also experience this wondrous sunrise music. What I like to do is to try and time the actual instant that the sun peeks over the horizon with the magnificent crescendo climax at 6:15 in the piece. Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZLMKkEGFRo